Chapters 45-46 - A Lesson in Motherhood

Chapter 45

My Mother's Life,

A Lesson in Womanhood

“I am not  educated, but I know my mind!”

-  Madam Victoria Tomire Ilugbusi 

(Circa 1910-Nov. 20, 2002)

How it happened.

I had mentioned very briefly in the earlier part of this book who my late mother, Victoria Tomire, was; how her life impacted so positively upon mine, how she traded her visions with her children and how she drew us to God.  Particularly, I narrated how I responded to her callings and the benefits that accrued to both of us reciprocally, as between a loving mother and her obedient child.

Perhaps, the nine-word statement of my late mother, 'Tomire, quoted above, is one of her most powerful, educative, inspiring and life-changing and most inspiring statements I have ever heard in my life.    

          Rightly, if only to pay her an appropriate tribute she deserves more than I have so far written. Not only that, she has, by this narration, passed some vital messages to my readers, which were the secrets by which my mother positively brought me up.

          In revealing the message, I am going to emulate the biblical Paul the Apostle, in the manner he wrote in the New Testament of the Bible. Limitedly though, I share some traits of this great writer.  He was a Lawyer as I am.   He was practical in his preaching, teachings, and writings. I write on what I have seen or experienced plus the outcome of painstaking researches I have personally undertaken at one time or the other, from which I draw practical lessons to improve the lot of those who would follow them. 

         

          Apostle Paul had a knack for narrative writing, as I think I do,  though, a mere shadow.  Apostle Paul was driven by a passion and the desire to get results.  I believe so I am.  Like him, too, I give my all for whatever I do, including my writings. Like Apostle Paul, I believe absolutely in my causes and fight for and defend them to my utmost at any price.  So are my persistence and the capacity for hard work over which my wife prays, complains and dreams so I would 'take time out to rest'.

          Perhaps the notable difference between Apostle Paul and me is that despite my tight schedule, I share time with my wife, children, nuclear or extended family and accommodate people continually as in my household. Paul never married!

          So what I write about my mother's way of life I would do Apostle Paul's way.

Mum, A Role Model

          My mother was a role model to all women, many of whom might be privileged to read what follows about her to benefit from her exemplary life.  She was not an angel but she was a good woman in every sense of it.  Tomire, my mother, was not educated in the Western sense of it but, often, she said unabashedly,“… but I know my mind”.  

However, the lesson she passed on with that powerful but short statement was that one can be truly quite sensible without passing through the four walls of any formal school.  What is impotant is for one to know his or her mind.  To know one's mind, means a lot of things to people at different times and stages of life.

          The sentence means to people generally contextually: to have a clear focus or vision in every facet of life; to think right; to pursue one's focus relentlessly; to be hard working; to know how to obtain one's heart's desires; to be efficient and effective in one's pursuits; to take the positive side of life and avoid the negative; to tolerate people generally; to seek wisdom; to stoop to conquer; to love unconditionally; to observe the Golden Rule of Life; to unite rather than merely integrate families; to respond conscientiously to our environment; to live the day as a last opportunity to live; to defend human rights whenever the need arises; as parents, the need to bless our children always and never curse them; to live an exemplary life worthy of emulation; as children, to listen to their (so-called illiterate) parents; not to be envious of other people; as couples, to love wives/husbands and the extended families as we interact with ourselves; as neighbours, to be our brother's keepers; as strangers in foreign lands, to act as we would do at home and as children of God , to fear God.

My “uneducated” mother, Tomire, lived by such considerations throughout her life-time - a legacy of which I am a direct beneficiary.  I particularly dedicate this chapter to womanhood as a whole. 

          Because our mothers tolerated what are called the “excesses” of their husbands, most modern day married women claim to be wiser than their 'stupid' mothers.  This is moreso because such mothers stoically tolerated other women's children, especially in a polygamous setting.   Some so-called modern woman ridicule their prdecessors for not alienating their mothers, fathers, sisters and relations but rather drew them closer for harmonious living.

          My mother's life demonstrated the absolute need for a woman not only to look beyond her husband's but carry along every member of that family.  That was what my mother did in her life-time.  She demonstrated that a married woman should equally remain an active partner-in-progress in her parent's home for life while bonding her own children with her husband's extended family, rather than separate them.  In short, my mother proved that in a heterogenous family, the woman should seek and work towards total unity and a loving ambience in which all the children would grow without undue affectation.

          My mother's life revealed that contrary to the wisdom of man, God's purpose is served in all human sociological relationships and that in the upbringing of children, what should matter is not  their mothers' selfish interests but those of the children, which the mothers should co-operatively work towards.  The children's life should be the center of the daily supplications to God because, as my mother demonstrated, “what you sow is what you reap”.

          From such understanding, I have developed a philosophy to work according to His pre-ordained plan for my family (poly or monogamous), by yielding to His will to beneficially enhance our interrelationships as we make the voyage of life.

          If my late mother had wanted me isolated from all the homes to which I belong, she would have succeeded to do so.  If she had wanted to turn me against my father, step-mothers, brothers, uncles, sisters and aunties, I would surely have become their enemies.  If she had chosen to unsettle my home, she might equally have   succeeded.  But her aspirations and way of life exuded the spirit of unity, harmony and love.  Throughout her life-time, she was a true lover of God and humanity.  For every aspect of life, my mother had a clear vision.  Her goal for us her children was to see us all glued to God, fully educated in the Western way and fully integrated to our extended family.  She did all she could to realise those goals in our lives.

My Mother's Rewards On Earth Tomire and Her Career

          In her smoked Fish/Meat trading, Tomire excelled to the extent that her offerings became the most preferred in the whole market.  In the African setting, it is customary to identify mothers by their children.  But in my mother's case, as indeed in other rare situations, my mother was known by what she did - fish selling, “Mama Eleja”!

Tomire & Her God

          On her relationship with God, she initially served the traditional gods, and according to her, “’with the whole of my being”.

          When she switched over to Christianity, she testified 10 years before her death that,  “ My God, whom I have served, has revealed to me my rightful place in HIS heavenly home”.  

          As already stated, Tomire brought all her children (and grandchildren alike) and virtually all her people closer to God.  She was a devoted member of Christ Apostolic Church; she preferred to be buried at the cemetery.  That's what we did when her time came!

          Every Church she attended, as the journey of life took her around, she was ever in the forefront of positive activities and she kept at it even until about three years to her death, when her diminished physical ability prevented her from doing so.

          Her faith superseded the application of drugs to curing any form of ailment.  So the only option left for us to make Mama accept any orthodox medication was to assure her that  “the pastor had prayerfully sent it to her”.    Whatever my readers might call our tack or attitude, I don't mind but I used the ploy consistently until she lived to the age God had ordained for her!

Family Unity

          Another unique profit Tomire bequeathed in her lifetime was the total unity of her children and their families.  She was happy dying in such a successful circumstance.  Rewardingly, she died in the hands of, and before the very eyes of Mrs. Mary Owoeye, her younger sister - Bosede's daughter as well as her own grandchildren - Olumide, Sola, Sunkanmi, and Tunbosun. She died the day, my younger half-brother, Remi, saw her last! Mama passed on at 11.40 p.m. on 20th November 2002!  Remi had given her the last monetary gift she would ever receive here on earth a few hours before her death!  This again is instructive for women who would rather do everything to separate half-relations without realizing the evil they might be sowing: the denial of happy moments at crucial stages of people's lives!  My mother thoroughly enjoyed all her children from the other women while she lived, even at her dying moments and even thereafter!   My mother proved that it pays to love! 

Family History

          To prove her sense of history, Tomire dictated to me her (paternal/maternal) family history which she traced as far as her memory could recollect.  This history was authenticated  by her Uncles, siblings and all those I approached for verification.  She tried all she could to take me down to Aisegba Ekiti, her cradle, but I failed her  in this respect.  My consolation is that Folowosele, her brother, knows the place.

Tomire and Her Town

          Tomire was so much in love with her beloved town, IYIN EKITI, that she never wished to live elsewhere throughout her life.  But she had to come and settle with my family from June 1985 and remained with us until her very peaceful transition on November, 20, 2002!

Tomire & My Family

          All women should observe and please learn from what my mother did to my family. While with us, Tomire bequeathed the virtues of love and selfless service.  She nurtured her grandchildren in the way of the Lord by taking them to Church always.  She prayed for them unceasingly, day and night.  She cooked for them and helped them to-and-from their schools every day.  She regaled them with unforgettable folklore stories. 

Our Periods of Worry

          Day in day out, Tomire grew older and older and the old age symptoms set in.  It started with over-eating.  Her appetite for food suddenly became insatiable.  She no longer fit into our usual three-meals-a-day program. Rather, Tomire ate many times as we gave her food, yet, ever asking for more.

          My observation however was that much as she ate, rather than increase in stature the opposite was the case!  She became smaller and smaller physically by the day.  Two years before her death, she started experiencing memory loss and became very emotional while her speech became less and less co-ordinated.  She behaved like a baby  - full of emotions and expressed such either by crying at the slightest provocation or by engaging in prayers.  Her reaction time to everything became slower and slower by the day but with some sort of determination she still continued to walk into the kitchen to search for food or to the lady's to ease herself or have her shower.  However, many a time, she had to be supported back to her room.

Our Trying Times

          With her rapid physical and emotional deterioration, like a baby, she needed more intensive care.  We had a problem here.  We could neither envisage nor procure the kind of nurse with the right disposition of patience and hardwork for her condition.  But as if by divine intervention, a good neighbour, Mrs. Odufunwa, without prompting from us, offered to assist in getting a capable hand that would give Mama the best attention she needed at her age.

Eni Olorun Steps In

          My initial apprehension was whether Mama would ever accept or take food from a stranger, for she was very mindful of things of that nature, or even tolerate the regular company of anyone she had not been used to.  In faith, we allowed Mrs. Odufunwa to bring in a woman by the name of Mrs. Bolarinwa (whom we called “Eniyan Olorun” - a godly person - coined out of her own usual response to people's greetings).  

          True to Mrs. Odufunwa's assurance, Eni Olorun became equal to the task.  She was affectionate, hard working and neat.  She, appearently, understood the psychological needs of elderly people and how to make them happy.  Being also a prayer warrior of the Mountain of Fire Church, Mrs. Bolarinwa's MFM-style (and untiring) prayer pattern found a kindred spirit with my mother's CAC mode and praise singing.  Happily too, Mama enjoyed the food prepared for her at the regular times served.  She was taken on a stroll twice a day, an exercise she loved too.  My mother was so impressed that she began praying for her nurse and thanked us for getting her somebody like Eni Olorun.  Whenever Eni Olorun closed in the evening, the children would have arrived from the school and thereafter the entire family would continue her responsibility until the following morning.  Then, my cousin, Seun Obolore, joined our household.

Seun Step In

          Seun, a young girl, bubbling with energy, zeal, great affection and extra-ordinary love of old people, took charge of my mother.  Indeed she became our version of “Eni Olorun” in the evenings.  Seun obviously enjoyed what she was doing which finally conquered my mother's long pathological fear of being neglected at old age.  When she was still agile, my mother would hold my hands and pleaded with me and my wife:

“Yemi, Eye Olu (Mummy Olumide), please take good care of me, and, by the special grace of God, your own children will take good care of you”. 

Her statement always moved me and  I was glad that finally my mother's expectation was fully met by both Mrs. Odufunwa's Abolarin (aka Eni Olorun) and my energetic 'daughter' (for she is more to me than a cousin), Seun Obalore.

I remain eternally grateful to both women for their labour of love and pray that God in His infinite goodness will not only meet them at their points of need, He will give them long life and provide for them similary in their old age.  Let me also appreciate my nephew, Emmanuel Ibitoye and my cousins (or permit me to call them my daughters) - Janet, Eunice, Busola and my Uncle Julius' wife's brother, Kazeem, as well as my nephew, Biodun Jimoh, and my sister-in-law, Bola ,who, during their stay with us, cared very well for my late mother. I also appreciate my Auntie, Mrs. Mary Owoeye, in whose presence my mother passed on. They all shall not lack in Jesus Name. Amen!

Madam Comfort Omogbemile and Her Children

          Two more persons need to be appreciated here too - a mother and her son.  They are Late Madam Comfort Sefinatu Omogbemile and her son, Julius.

          In my entire maternal family, Late Madam Comfort Omogbemile was the only person my mother was closes to and comfortable with throughout her lifetime. Madam Comfort was indeed a very considerate and affectionate woman.  All her children too took after her character and they have been reliable and very trustworthy too.  Madam Omogbemile, like my mother, was a uniting force on her side of the family.  She had no time for petty talks.  She was very hard-working and so are her children.  This development reinforces the English saying that unless for a special agent of dispersal, the fruit must always fall by the parent tree!  IF A WOMAN IS GOOD, IT IS MOST LIKELY THAT HER OFFSPRING WILL BE GOOD.  That is the case with Comfort Omogbemile.

          Madam Omogbemile's active role concerning my mother's care spanned two decades!  Maybe Tomire would not have actually lasted as she did but for the remote and direct contribution of this good woman, Comfort, to her life. 

Julius Saved My Mother

          Perhaps my mother would have been dead long before I became capable of supporting her but for Comfort's son, Julius Omogbemile, whom God used to preserve her life.

          Ten year's before I was able to bring my mother down to Lagos to live with me, a period when she truly deserved to be 'weaned' from the hard labour she endured to be able to survive, Julius had actually taken her to live with him and his family.   That was shortly after he got married himself.  Because Julius actually grew up with my mother, he saw my mother as his.  That hour of my mother's need he saw as his opportunity to reciprocate my mother's good work in his life.  Julius practically did everything a good son should do to a good mother for my mother.  He properly fed, clothed and sheltered her.  He did all these when I was a nobody in life and with the whole of his heart.  That is why I have said that people would always remember a good turn whenever they are in a position to repay it.  Any woman who scatters the membership of her husband's family is only destroying the bases of her own future comfort!

          My mother spent ten years with Julius (1975-85) and that was a blissful period in her life.  Julius effectively held forth for me until I could shoulder the mantle of responsibility for my mother's care.   

          Julius effectively played vital leadership roles in my maternal family.  He was a force to reckon with.  Highly affectionate, he was a man ever forging  ways to keep the family together.  Apart from my mother and father and Uncle Israel, Julius was my role model in terms of working for the unity of our families

Afterwards, my mother eventually joined me.  Whenever she went home, she only stayed with Mrs. Comfort Omogbemile, Julius's mother.  Comfort was the only person that could cook to my mother's satisfaction; she was both her confidant and companion because they understood each other very well.   

          When old age began to set in, Madam Comfort was never irritated with  mother's old age-induced childish tantrums or incoherent presentations.  She behaved to my mother throughout like a truly affectionate daughter and took good care of her unto the end.

          Also, her daughter, Busola's contribution to Mum's care was equally extra-ordinary. Throughout her ten-year residence with me, she continued the good work that her mother and her brother started and stood by Mum like a direct daughter!

          Oluwasanmi and Felix, her sons, also were not left out of the outpouring of affection and care for my Mum.  Auntie Lydia, her first daughter and Dayo, her third daughter, were to my mother, true daughters!  They paid her regular visits, and Dayo took charge of my mothers' hair-do till the tail end of her life! Can my readers imagine the kind of a woman Comfort and her offsprings are?  Can my readers imagine the kind of bond that was between my mother and Comfort on the one hand and Comfort's children and Tomire's children on the other?  Ironically, Omogbemile was my mother's very distant cousin whom I ought not to know but for the very loving family tie they forged and exhibited to themselves!

          To a very large extent, other people too helped: like Chief (Mrs.) Elizabeth Adegbola (remember her, the peace maker who was mercilessly attacked during my change of name saga?) and her daughter, Mary Owoeye.  They, like the rest, stir an abiding deep feeling within me.  I can only hope to construct an everlasting good linkage between and amongst our lineages, which our own children can nurture and maintain throughout their own life times. 

          As I have prayed before, God will reward everyone and Comfort, who has already gone to glory, will rest in the bossom of the Lord in perfect peace. Amen. 

          You may then ask: what about Florence, and Ajiboye, my mother's direct children?   What were their own roles too?   My answer to that is that to every child is given a different gift.  Each and everyone of them also played their own roles in their own unique ways as good children of a good mother.

Chapter 46

I Released

My Mum To God!

Mum Was About To Go!      

My father had been with us for his occasional rest for about three weeks before my mother's transition.  For about five days before her death, Mama had stopped eating well. I therefore resorted to feeding her with the formula food, Complan. She responded by eagerly accepting the little bit she could.  But the volume of her intake and its frequency wasn't to my satisfaction.  I couldn't help her either.  We kept on giving her a dose she could take.  She was occasionally uncomfortable with swallowing!  None was sure when she would give up finally.  At her state, I felt bad that I could not help my loving mother.  My money, my affection, my love, my feeling - everything that bound us together - could not avail me to make her younger or hold back the imminence of her passage!  

My Father's Role

          My father and I reviewed her situation from time to time.  In his assessment, it would be a miracle if she lasted another week.  I got the message and sent home for her siblings and children to come and witness her final departure.  Alas, they arrived a few hours after her passage!

My Parting Prayers for My Mother

         

          At 3pm on 20th November 2002, I had the leading of the spirit to return home from where I went to pray for Mum.  I obeyed the inner voice and promptly went home.  I found her calm.  I walked to her side, drew a stool close to her bed and sat upon it.  I clasped her hands and went into prayers, thus:

          My Father in heaven, I thank you for your daughter, Tomire. I appreciate all that you have done for us all and me in particular, through her. I thank you  for seeing her  through the thick and thin of life. I thank you for granting her victory all round.  Thank you for prospering all the works of her hands. Thank you for allowing her to enjoy the fruits of her good labours.

          Daddy, what else can I ask for? Nothing more; she  has delivered          every good package you sent through her to me and to others. You have answered the prayers I prayed when I was very young to spare her life for me to be able to cater  for her medically, feed her, shelter her and so on.  She has lived to see me to a point I am no longer afraid of life. She has led my entire nuclear household to You.  All these and many more are the great things You have used Your beloved daughter to do for me for which I shall remain grateful to You. I hereby release her to You Lord. Let her go! But I have one more request to make Daddy. Since I do not know precisely the day and the hour she would go, my only outstanding request is: whenever it is time, let her transition be peaceful! This I ask for in          Jesus name”.

          Everybody around chorused “Amen” and I went back to where I came from, fully satisfied and pleased with God, my mother and myself!

She Answered The Call!

          At 11.40 p.m. on 20th November 2002, my visionary, godly, loving, caring, affectionate, victorious mother, completed her assignment with us on this planet and went back to her Creator!  God, I thank you for everything  - just too numerous to count!

Her Grandchildren Rewarded Her Goodness.

          Yes, for her goodness, her grand children surrounded her at the time of her death.  They weren't put off by or afraid of her dead body!  As soon as she passed on, they telephoned the medical centre we used for instructions on how to handle her remains.  They followed the medical officer's instructions to the letter calmly without bothering their mother!  At precisely 5a.m. the next morning, I received a phone call and our conversation went thus:

Me, Yemi:  “Hello, who is calling?”

Son, Sola:   “It's me,  Sola”

Yemi:  “Good morning Sola, how is everybody at home? (I wasn't home that night)

Sola:   “Just to let you know that Eye finally passed on last night!”

Yemi:  “What time? 

Sola   “At exactly 11.40 p.m.” (Though I wasn't surprised but I still     was shocked!)

Yemi:“Oh dear!”

Sola:  “Nothing to Worry about Dad.  Eye has lived a fulfilled life.”

Yemi:  “Thanks,  Sola, but how about the body?”

Sola:   “We've taken proper care of that”

Yemi:          “How?”

Sola:  “We took instructions from Mr. Odumefun,

           the medical officer.

Yemi:   “How about your mother, how did she feel?”

Sola:    “We never contacted her”

Yemi    “Why not?

Sola    “We believed, being a woman, she might disturb our peace      and put unnecessary fear in us!”

Yemi:     “Weren't you afraid of the body”

Sola:     “Afraid of our grand-mother's body?”

Yemi    “Yes”

Sola          “Why should we?  When she was alive, she never hurt us, why then would her body hurt us now that she is dead.  Besides, she was good to us when she was alive.  She has lived a fulfilled and enviable life.  She has lived to a good old age.  What we are seeing here (the body) is no longer Eye that used to be with us but her picture. Her spirit has since gone to her Creator.  So why should we be afraid of her soul-less body - an ordinary dust material, Dad?”

Yemi:  “Ok.  Thanks Sola, thanks to all of you for your boldness and kindness to your grandmother.  I shall be with you soon”.  We hung up our phones.

          On arriving home, I called my entire family members together and prayed for them profusely.  I thanked them all for everything they did individually and collectively.  I prophesied upon their lives that as they showed mercy, God would shower greater mercies on them and the generations after them.  I singled them out, one after the other, for specific blessings for which I trust God to fulfil in their lives.

The Journey to the Mortuary

          The medical personnel of my Clinic (Mr. Odumefun and his nurses) dressed and prepared Mum's body for the mortuary.  But when they (the nurses) were about to carry the body to the waiting ambulance, my children intervened and unanimously decided to do the conveyance themselves.  They then collected the necessary hand gloves from the nurses, surrounded their grandmother's body, gently lifted her up and carefully carried the body from her bedroom through the sitting room, out the exit door and placed her tenderly in the Ambulance!

            I thought that would be all.  But then, they brought out their cassette player and slotted in a recorded cassette of their choice.  As they vocalised the praise songs, they arranged themselves on both sides of Tomire's remains, shut the door of the ambulance and urged the driver to drive on to the hospital.  The rest of us - myself, my wife and Mum's siblings - followed acquiescently in another vehicle to the Isolo General Hospital Morgue. 

          After fulfilling all formalities at the hospital, the children waved aside the medical personnel and took it upon themselves to take her into the morgue!  This they did boldly.  Even I, their father, shivered in the premises but the children seemingly took no notice of the many other dead bodies laid out in the mortuary!  That was my first time of beholding or entering such a dreadful sight or of entering such a situation called mortuary!  These children completed the assignment of honouring their grandmother cheerfully, boldly, willingly and calmly to everybody's amazement!

         At the time, I introspected the body language that flowed between me and the children on the occasion, analysing the spirit that underscored their wonderful performance, the source of their boldness and the wisdom with which they had operated.  My conclusion was that God would surely compensate them for their action of love and honour to their grandmother.   I was sure that my God would kindly elongate their lives and grant them the grace to be able to jointly make us, my wife and I, beneficiaries of their large and dutiful hearts when our time came to leave this world to meet our God!  I felt fulfilled, additionally, that my children, by their all-round performance, have received a balanced education certainly.

 Burial

          It was time to make arrangements for the grand burial of my mother.  I had no doubt about the scale it would take.  It demanded the best of me and I was not going to pussyfoot about it.  Her burial was going to be a very joyful one for a wonderful mother who spared nothing for my upbringing and the welfare of her entire family.  I was going to do what a good and dutiful son should do to celebrate his excellent mother.  I was going to deploy whatever I could afford to do so!

          While these grand designs swirled in my mind, I had this prescient feeling that the occasion would give a fresh opportunity to my detractors to foment trouble over the unresolved but scorched opposition to my changing names from  the legal (Ilugbusi's) to my biological father's (Omogboyega). Already, there were rumours that (especially) my own maternal elder siblings, whose father's names I had given up, were bent on disrupting my participation in our mother's obsequies for my alleged stubbornness.  My relationship with them up till then had remained dicey after they rejected my pleadings as to why my decision and subsequent action were irrevocable.  They refused to acknowledge the obvious transformation that had manifested in my life since I united with my biological father and changed my family surname officially.  For reasons best known to them, they wanted to ignore the overwhelming facts of my destiny and situation.  They would not reckon with the perfect will of God for my life!

My Fears Were Confirmed

As I ruminated over the impending possibilities, a woman, from Ilugbusi's family, who shared the same apprehension with me, visited me one early morning to express her concerns.  Considering what she dreamed about the matter, together with what she had gathered from the grapevine, she predicted I would not enjoy the level of co-operation I needed, especially from my maternal sibblings.  She warned me to be careful of how I handled the whole situation and urged me to be truly patient and prayerful during my mother's burial.  Therefore, she advised me to show extreme humility to my siblings to achieve my expected end in the burial arrangements.  Despite the assurance from sound advice, I was very agitated for some time. Eventually, I knelt down and prayed thus:

“Lord, thank You once again for all you did concerning my mother. Thank you for allowing me and her other siblings to survive      her.  My Father, this is the appointed time to prove Yourself that You are truly my God, for this is the time that my adversaries are waiting for.      This is a weapon in the hands of  Satan. This is the time that would either make or mar me. This is the time that will either permanently unite or break the relationship between my siblings and myself. This is the time that I need Your support most, for I have no wisdom of my own. You have already revealed to your daughter who        just visited me what the plans of the devil are. It confirmed my fears. Thank You for the revelation. 

Daddy, I need the spirit of humility, I need extra-ordinary patience, I need extra-ordinary wisdom to be able to manage this delicate situation. Above all, I need You to take total control; take the glory alone and put the devil to shame, for in Jesus precious name I have prayed. Amen”. 

                   Then I stopped worrying and went about doing what I had to do.  Of course, at the time, I was in the middle of a serious study programme which would delay the burial schedule of my late mother. 

I had options to consider.  First, I could take her body home for immediate burial and undertake other ceremonies later.  But I wasn't comfortable with such plan because it would amount to double expenses on my part at the end of the day.   I settled for burying her, once and for all, soon, because my mother had not liked the idea of being kept in the mortuary longer than necessary. However, there was nothing I could do than to delay the burial long enough to complete my educational pursuit and be able to conclude the provisions of her burial.  I knew Mum would approve my considerations if I sought her opinion in the circumstance.  So I obtained a 'constructive' permission from her to bury her at my convenience.  This was over four months after her death.

          Finally, I invited mother's siblings and mine to a planning meeting.  We discussed at length and I pleaded with them for co-operation.  I told them that I could surrender or leave all the burial arrangements to them and stay aloof if that would bring peace in the family. But if that happened, I would have been deprived of a fundamental opportunity to honour our beloved mother, and it would remain a sore point till my dying day.

          I revealed to them that I was aware that my mother's burial ceremony was being primed as a time bomb to explode for some subjective reasons.  I pleaded with them to remember that nobody (including our late mother herself) had been or was faultless.  So we had to tolerate our strengths as well as our weaknesses.  I pointed out that failure to unite to give our mother a befitting burial would do us no good.  Rather it would permanently divide us to the devil's advantage and to our own shame.  I then posed a question to them: “Does my changing my name remove your blood from my veins as my maternal sibblings?” They chorused “No!”.   I went further to ask: “Even if I continued to bear Pa Ilugbusi's name, would that remove Omogboyega's blood from my veins?”  Of course the answer was “No”.

          Again I asked: “Since I moved over to my biological father's home, has my behaviour to you and the Ilugbusis changed for the worse?” “Of course, no!” they responded.  

          Then if all these were true, did that not confirm what I had been saying that both homes were my homes?

           I emphasised that if we allowed our emotions to control our situation, the implication would be that we would have succeeded in destroying the foundation and the legacy of love and unity, which our mother bequeathed to us all.   

          I concluded that my situation was providential, which had made me the bond cementing the two families who had no sanguinary relationship.  They should let God's plan prevail by burying the hatchet and forging an everlasting unity for both families.

          Their reactions turned positive and very open thereafter, as they pledged to co-operate with me thenceforth.  We then proceeded to discuss the burial programme extensively.  We agreed on the burial date and prayed for God's guidance for what needed to be done.  Once again, our faithful God took absolute control of our affairs, so that two months to Mum's burial, we were able to meet again to conclude our plans together. 

God's Miracles

          As the burial date drew closer and closer, miracles began to happen.  My nephew, Ibitoye and I, drew up the budget.  It was really huge because we had to do some preparatory works, like renovating the three homes where she would lie-in-state, pay the mortuary bills, buy an appropriate coffin and invest  on other innumerable burial protocols. 

People who don't read books tend to find life boring, dull and their lives are static. So cultivate a reading habit! Yemi Omogboyega

Chapters 42-44 - Quest for Knowledge, Spiritual Sensitivity & Parenting

Chapter 42

I Settled

For Christianity

          When I lived at Adesina Street, Ijeshatedo area of Lagos between 1990-1993 or thereabout, I worshipped with the Powerline Bible Church headed by Pastor (now Bishop) Lawrence Osagie.  One Mrs. Olajumoke (now late), then a classmate of mine at the Lagos State University, introduced me to the church.  When my car was faulty, she it was who conveyed me in her car from classes - a fact that helped to evangelise me into the Powerline Bible Church.  At Powerline Bible Church, the word of God is the enzyme which boosts the vision of the Founder, Pastor Osagie.   Pastor Osagie was such an energetic preacher.  From the accounts of Paul the Apostle I have read in the Bible, it was obvious that Pastor Osagie patterened after Paul in zeal.  This is a man who openly confessed that in order for him not to be tempted to seek alternative employment other than serve God, he had to set all his hard-earned certificates on fire!   He preaches the word of God undiluted!

          I was fairly close to him but the fear of being trapped into priesthood made me to keep a safe distance from him!  Pastor Osagie is one person who consistently marvels at the level of resemblance between my wife and I share.  He was the one who wrote the foreward to the first edition of this book published in 1992.  He was the one from whom I took counsel when I wanted to change my name and I remember his words: “you don't have to be emotional about it, change to your biological father's name!”

          Although I loved to continue to worship in Powerline but I was forced to leave because I moved house from Ijeshatedo to Iba Housing Estate which was about 20km away.  

          Before leaving Powerline, I had made up my mind that I was moving to the  Redeemed Church wherever I found one.

I Joined RCCG Instead of TREM

Finally, I settled for the Redeemed Christian Church of God and I will tell you how.  In the first place, I was unaware that there were two renowned versions of Redeemed Churches in Nigeria - TREM and RCCG.  I was in love with the acronym, TREM, because of the way it sounded. Soon after I moved into my new accommodation at the Iba Housing Estate, Ojo, Lagos I located a Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG) and   quickly joined it, thinking it was TREM!  Months later, as I discussed with another friend, Mrs. Flora Oke, I innocently informed her that I had joined TREM. She was careful to ask me whether the church was TREM or RCCG.  I insisted that it was TREM but after she pointed out the peculiarities of the two churches, I discovered that I was with the RCCG, not TREM!

 I made thorough investigations about the Church through its own literature and from discussions with friends.  Good enough, they had ample materials revealing so much about the founder, the doctrines and the incumbent General Overseer, Pastor Enoch Adejare Adeboye.  The more questions I asked, the more answers I found.  I became fascinated.

          During mid-week and Sunday services, I flowed very well with everything done.  First, there was a balanced preaching of salvation and the need and how to succeed here on earth. Their presentation aligned  with my belief!  Secondly, RCCG, as a church, caters  absolutely for the souls of everyone irrespective of whether you are holy, semi-holy or unholy.  RCCG has the passion to win ALL souls to its fold.

          RCCG receives you the way you are.  You are then indoctrinated with the Word of God through such channels as its Believer's Class, the Sunday School, The School of Disciples and other Biblical trainings until you come to self-realisation and acquire the sound ability to make mature choices!

          The Church elevates you to appreciate holiness and righteousness, which informs the choice of names, such as Model and Classical, given to parishes.  If the parish is classical, they are likely governed with much do's and don'ts in the pattern of the CAC, brooking no compromise at all. If you can't stand such toughness, you may belong to the Model parishes, which predominate in the Church.  They contain the trendy ones, mostly the youth and females who invariably prefer to sport trouser suits, flaunt the airs of the generally fashionable and the educated  diction exudes class!

          My understanding of the church leadership's philosophy is for one to serve God with one's heart through the full exposure to the Word of God, by which one should operate at one's individual capacity to please God.  I share this view very much.  It differs from the outlook of the previous places (except Powerline which shares the same approach with RCCG)  where I have worshipped before joining the RCCG..  

           The policy of establishing branches within five minutes of walking (or for car owners, five minutes of driving) distance to worshipers' residence is laudable and visionary.  It is admirable .  It challenges those who are zealous for God to become leaders quickly and has reduced leadership tussles in the Church to the barest minimum by the ready opportunities available to the ambitiously restless.  It answers Christ's statement that the harvest is plenty but that the labourers are few!

          One other thing I cherish in RCCG is the inculcation of the spirit of hard work and intellectual development through continuing education.  Much of the preaching is decidedly educative and a constant reminder to the student adherents in particular to buckle up always and not relent in their studies.  So  mediocrity has no foothold in the congregation.

Above all, salvation of every member is the ultimate goal in RCCG.  Holiness and righteousness are her emphasis and a lot of biblical training opportunities for adherents to know how to attain the much desired salvation.  No doubt a lot of miracles happen during preachings, which only evidences the fact that God still performs the wonders of old today.   If any member wants to really understand this policy of the church clearly, it is important for him or her to join the School of Disciples. The practical aspect of RCCG is manifest there!  RCCG is rooted on  holiness, rightgeousness and salvation.

          RCCG also believes that good Christians are needed in all facets of leadership (including politics) to run the affairs of any nation well.

          These two goals for a man to live an accomplished and balanced life to inherit the kingdom of God tally with my own understanding of God's purposes for our lives.

The Controversies about RCCG

          In every organisation, there will always be gray areas.  The one that seems to have brought controversies in RCCG, as far as my research revealed, centred on the aspect of the fact that members must not breakaway from RCCG to establish their own churches at will and that  if they did, such churches shall not prosper.  Till the time of writing, I have not laid my hands on any material from RCCG which preaches this issue or(call it) doctrine.

          I first heard of it during my Worker's Training in the Iba Estate Parish.  As a new comer to the church, on hearing about it, the first question that came to my head as a mortal being was whether that would not sound like someone belonging to a body by compulsion and that if new churches have been emerging everyday and their Founder's are truly called, why can't that happen in RCCG?  Again I reasoned  that the RCCG itself is an off-spring of a white-garment church where the Founder, Papa Akindayomi himself, once worshipped before he was called to establish the RCCG. All these were my personal views and they may have arisen because of the two aspects of life I share with Apostle Paul, being a Lawyer and a man with scientific inclination - always wanting to know the underlying basis of everything!   

          However, if this debatable requirement of RCCG was indeed a revelation of God to the Founder, God can also empower at will other worthy born-again believers in the Church to found new churches if it would speed up world evangelisation to His satisfaction.  So, to me, if today a Member of the RCCG rises up and says he has heard from God to establish a new Church for His worship, all that he or she  needs to do is to humbly  walk up to the Authorities of the Church confidently and lay God's message  before them exactly how he received it. 

          Because of the fear of God which I believe is in them and the gift of the spirit of discernment upon our Daddy Adeboye and his team, I am sure they will not just dismiss such claim as false.  I believe that they will hear directly from God who would give them confirmation and direction on the emerging development in the same way He had earlier directed Pa Akindayomi on the same issue.

           If His will is that the new church should spring up, Daddy Adeboye would obediently bless the man and give him every support to make God's will prevail in his life.  I know, from his characteristically humble manner, that Pastor Adeboye would say within him “Who am I to argue with my Creator?” I think what we all need to do is to be good followers so that God would elevate us to positions of leadership Himself.   

Christian's Primary Concern

          My view is that our primary concern, as Christians, should be to serve God in truth and in spirit and to identify and co-operate with the leaderships of our churches to realize their visions of winning as many souls to Christ as possible.

Chapter 43

My Life

As A

Student-Worker

"I would like to say here that in spite of the problems of underfunding, leading to a lack of provision of adequate basic amenities such as an up-to-date library, constant supply of power and water, good restaurant facilities, etcetera, I am proud of the outstanding quality of resource persons in the Law School."   

Sometimes, when I recall the events of my life, one aspect that makes me feel disturbed is the fact that I had to combine studies with fending for my livelihood.  The implications on all facets of my life are far too serious. I would wish that my life had not been ordered that way.

          First, during my work-school-church life, I was spiritually weakened and my spiritual growth seriously hampered.  My first contact with RCCG was at the Iba Estate Parish. Pastor Obed Akinmulewo - a very pragmatic Pastor- headed the Church then. Through convincing and resourceful sermons, he finally succeeded in convincing me to grow in the church and spiritually. He was ably assisted by (then) Assistant Pastor Olugbemi.  Indeed it was Pastor Akinmulewo's down-to-earth teachings that decisively impacted  my life (and that of my wife) spiritually.  It was in that Parish that I got re-baptised in the RCCG's way and there I became an active worker in the true sense of the word, having attended the Workers-in-Training course.

         

I Became A Landlord!

A year later, my family made an historical move to a three bed-room flat in the Jakande Housing Estate, Isolo, which I purchased with my own money to finally end my being a tenant!   From then onwards, I qualified to attend Landlord Association Meetings and thereby bid bye-bye to tenancy and its numerous problems!

Appreciation to Mrs. Abe, My Last Landlady!

          I think this is the appropriate point to appreciate my long-time good friend, Mrs. Abe (my sister-in-law), who was the owner of the 3-bedroom flat I occupied in the Iba Housing Estate and she was my last Landlady before I earned my new status of a Landlord myself.  Our relationship which started incidentally as a teacher-student sometime mid-70's, grew to in-lawship when I married her younger sister, metamorphorsed into a Landlord-tenant relationship and   today, with the death of her mother, Madam Ayinde, Iyabo has rightly stepped into the shoes of my late mother-in-law!   God has ordered our lives such that we remain mutually beneficial to one another. 

          Ours is a strong testimony of my belief that it is easy to have a clean, healthy male-female relationship if those involved are focused positively on what God has ordained for them to do together.   Today, our two families are one; our children indeed are one.  We have set a good example for generations after us to follow.

My Roles in RCCG, Healing Porch Parish, Isolo

          At the Jakande Housing Estate, Isolo, I was introduced to the Healing Porch Parish of the RCCG by Mr. Onilari who had been the last tenant of the apartment I bought.  I soon joined the Workers Group and progressed to be a Minister by the time I got admitted into the Lagos State University for a six-year Law Programme. Consequently, my ministerial focus was held in abeyance until I became a qualified Lawyer seven years later.  Pastor Okanlawon was the Parish Pastor when I went on my study leave.   Area Pastor Dejo Oluwaniyi who is a close friend, succeeded Pastor Okanlawon. I was a Sunday School Teacher.  Areal Pastor Oluwaniyi co-operated very well with me to ease my church duties during the time until he was replaced by Pastor Wole Daniels.  In quick time, Pastor Wole Daniel's family and my own family got integrated  and we became family friends.  It was my son, Olumide who had himself become a very active and promising Minister of God at his own level that actually brought us very close. At a time I was not very visible in the church myself, Pastor Wole Daniels took him in hand for his zealousness.  I apprecited him more deeply for steering Olumide to prefer attending (and enabling him to get admission into) a University of his own choice, which incidentally, is Pastor Wole Daniel's alma mater. When Pastor Wole Daniel's tenure ended, Area Pastor Bankole Fabiyi succeeded him.  Like Pastor Wole Daniels, my sons (Olumide and Muyiwa's) active involvement in church programmes brought Pastor Fabiyi's family and mine together in no time.

 Why Go Back to School?

          No doubt God can use an entire illiterate to do His work whenever He chooses to - that is an exceptional case.  Nobody deliberately chooses to be illiterate.    I always believed that those who had no spiritual vision should not be dogged about Ministry.  Also, concomitantly, whoever wished to stand on a spiritual pedestal should also have a physical platform to stand on. 

In other words, whoever must serve in the modern Church should endeavour to be thoroughly knowledgeable academically and theologically to be relevant and acceptable to present-day, knowledgeable congregations, for even the Bible confirms this in Hosea 4:6(a & b)

“My people perish from lack of knowledge.”

“Because you have rejected knowledge, I also reject you as my priests;” (NIV)

Such presentation helps to convince the congregation that a Pastor is actuated to serve and that he had not escaped or drifted into the house of God because of his failure or inadequacy in the secular world. 

          Today, congregations are mixed, representing the different classes of society:  the highly educated consorting with not so educated, the high society with the town dwellers.    Therefore, a Pastor worth his salt should be able to deal competently with the needs of every segment of his congregation, in terms of knowledge that they need to have, validated or disproved for their spiritual and physical growth. 

          If you are too unworthy or inferior and cannot form the necessary bridge for the interaction of your congregation, forget the Ministry.  As Daddy Adeboye has said,

“Just the mastery of an insignificant percentage of  the limitless deposit of knowledge which our Creator and Lord has put in place before the discovery of formal  education itself is not  enough for a man to become swollen-headed”

In other words, good education is very important and an irreducible minimum requirement for the clerical garb!

          Therefore any Pastor who would win the people for Christ must be educated (enlightened) to a great degree, if not more educated than the people he is pastoring.  On that platform, the popular saying that birds of the same feathers flock together becomes relevant even in the Church of God.

          That requirement is in the mould of my exemplary Fathers in the Lord such as Pastor Enoch Adejare Adeboye, Bishop Oyedepo, Late Arch-Bishop Benson Idahosa, Bishop Lawrence Osagie, Mike Murdocks, Pastor Tunde Bakare, Pastor W.F. Kumuyi, Pastor Chris Oyakhilome, The Billy Grahams,  The Hagins, the Wesleys, Pastors Chris Okotie, Late Bimbo Odukoya and a host of other highly accomplished and well educated women and men of God.  If by their good education, these anointed children of God have not tried to disprove the claims of the Holy Bible, then God must be real and mightier than anybody or intelligence and must be worshiped by all.

          All these considerations informed my determination to lift myself beyond mediocrity.  To actualize this dream, I went cap-in-hand to Pastor Okanlawon to be released to go back to school, and he granted my request. 

The Prices I Had to Pay

          As I have been trying to say, I paid a great price for the choice. But I preferred the pain to the pleasures of the moment.  I must however confess that I was spiritually weakened during my sojourn at the University for being always in school at week-ends.  I suffered from what I call spiritual dryness.  I stuck to my grinding study schedule in order not to become a victim of 'carry-overs'.   So, I was not active in the Church throughout my seven-year sojourn in   school.  I wished to be (if only to help me to be steadfast in all my ways) but I hardly could do something about that.  The truth however, was that I would most likely have broken down in my health had I added the attendance of most Church services to my tight schedule.  So, I was attending only the Sunday services but I always left soon after the grace, without attending the concomitant meetings.

          In contrition, immediately on completion of my academic pursuits, I straight-away got enrolled into the Bible College but aborted the course midway to truly take some necessary rest. 

Social Relationships

          Socially, I was totally restricted by my occupations so much so that even when my mother died,  (against her wishes) I had to keep her remains in the mortuary for almost  six months before undertaking her burial and funeral rites.  I did that because I did not just want to bury her without pomp!  My good mother deserved the very best celebration as my last honour to her and I thank God I was able to accomplish just that.  I have some elaboration to make on this later.

          Throughout my six-year law course at the Lagos State University, I hardly honored invitations to any social occasions from whatever quarters. I sacrificed everything I had (money, time, energy, etc) to achieve my educational loft.

 

I Graduated!

          By the special grace of God, I graduated  with an LL.B (2nd Class Honours) Degree in the 2000/2001 academic session.  At this point, I had shed the poor academic heritage I had been saddled with from birth!

I Was Called to the Bar!

          But LL.B was not my ultimate goal in the legal profession.  The ultimate goal was to become learned, not just educated.  With persistent encouragement from my God-sent friends (Mr. Fagbohun, Mr. Sofowora, Mr. Ferdinand Ojiemen in particular- thanks to them) who insisted that I must not stop at the Degree level for whatever reasons, I proceeded to obtain the Nigerian Law School form.  Fortunately I got admitted and successfully completed the very rigorous one-year course.   On the 2nd of day of July 2003, I was formally called to the Nigerian Bar, thus becoming a learned gentleman! 

July, Is My Month!

I was born in July, I married in July, I had one of my children in July, the most prosperous employment I had in life started in July, and here it is again, I became a qualified Lawyer in July! My first driving licence was obtained in July!  If I were to choose my dying month after what the Bible has promised me  a good old age - why wouldn't I choose this   favourable and perfect number seven month  - July  - for it?  

         

The Future of Legal Profession In Nigeria

Because of time constraint, the full account of my experiences at the Law School, the more detailed narration of the extensive exposures I had to the crude nature of human beings and how the law has positively reshaped them through well-reasoned decided locus classicus cases will be left to a future opportunity.   Suffice it to say here for now that law will continue to remain an instrument for social engineering. 

Let me return to the Nigerian Law School.  I would like to say here that in spite of the problems of underfunding, leading to a lack of provision of adequate basic amenities such as an up-to-date library, constant supply of power and water, good restaurant facilities, etcetera, I am proud of the outstanding quality of resource persons in the Law School.  It was in the Nigerian Law School that I saw Lecturers (Messrs. Nwosu and Nwokocha) who would quote from memory any section of the over 630-section Companies and Allied Matters Decree 1990 (LFN) and dissect all the provisions of the most technical of all the laws we studied  (The Law of Evidence)  without physical reference to it.  By reason of the credentials, formidable intellect and qualitative teaching of the lecturers, the Nigerian Law School, I can say, in them, the future of legal profession in Nigeria is very bright indeed.

I must also commend the then Director-General of the School, Mr. Kayode Jegede, and his Deputy and successor Dr. Kole Abayomi who headed the Lagos Campus then, in particular.  Dr. Abayomi was most affectionate to all his students. He demonstrated this fully when one day he practically went spiritual, praying for each student, laying his hands upon them to tap the anointing for success!

The study of law exposed me to the true nature of man.  The gamut of our legal education (in the cases we read and digested) revealed to me the depth that some men (and women of course) can be inherently wicked, selfish, brutish and over adventurous! Yet the realization has not eliminated my earlier assertion that man is created good and that he recognizes and reciprocates love, when he sees it please!  However, while the majority of human beings are good, it cannot be ignored that but for religion and the law, which combine to moderate him, he is capable of descending to the level of the wildest beast!

The study of the law also exposed me to the wisdom of the ages which is manifest in the various decisions of the courts that we perused. 

Since graduation, it has been a pleasant feeling that people have accorded me greater respect than hitherto and that they have been coming to me for professional legal advice.  The catch in the education is that everyone thinks I had all the wisdom which is the great challenge of Lawyers in society.  I realize of course that to justify the expectation, one must not rest on one's oars!

Having become a Lawyer, a certified HR practitioner and an Author, God has finally helped me to lay a solid foundation for a better tomorrow.  The icing of the cake is the grace of God to excel, especially as I have an eye to practise or lecture Law one day, in addition to my desire to write as many books as will change the society for the better. 

Chapter 44

Appreciating Those

Who Supported

My Family

          Throughout the duration of my educational quest, the management of my home had to be surrendered to my numerous family members including my mother, my niece, Busola Ajayi (nee Adeniyi), my Uncle Julius' wife's brother, Kazeem Olanipekun, my sister-in-law, Bola Ogunloye (nee Ayinde) and, towards the tail-end of my studies, my nephew, Lateef Biodun Jimoh.     

          I also acknowledge the good contributions made by Emmanuel Rotimi Ibitoye.  Indeed my wife met him in my house and I have marveled at the beauty of their interpersonal relationship since then and even after he left us to be on his own.  Two other nieces (Miss Eunice Adegbola and Janet Olayinka - both now married) who lived with us at one time or the other also made their own useful contribution to our home.

          Everyone of them happily bridged the gaps created by the fact that my wife and I were a schooling and working couple.  They gave our children psychological balance by managing our home co-operatively with us selflessly!

          Reciprocally, my wife and I shared their visions and ensured that those who needed educating were not short-changed.  We counseled those concerned about their future and generally shared a unified and unforced homely ambience where there were no social or family distinctions or prejudices.  Happily, things have turned out right for everyone concerned, and my wife and I remain grateful to all those who helped to see us through our numerous transitions in life.  

     Throughout their stay with us, we all had a sense of oneness, such that  nobody could draw the line between where the nuclear family ended and the extended family began!  Till date, they remain cordial and happy with us.  Busola Ajayi and her husband have taken me (and is eager to take my wife) out of the shores of Nigeria, seemingly to continue our good old days together in unending love!  Rotimi Ibitoye has been a major pillar in the sponsorship of my children, even at the University level. He was there to collaborate fully with me to give my mother - his grand mother - a befitting burial!  Bola Ogunloye (my sister-in-law), Janet Oyelami (nee Olayinka) and Abiodun Jimoh (my nephew) were fully with me during my late mother's burial. Kazeem Ojo Olanipekun, my Uncle's  wife's brother, has always been with us and he has continued to buy me and our children Christmas clothes annually.   Imagine that! 

          This is why I maintain that human beings are created good.  When they see love, they recognize it. When it is extended to them with all genuineness of heart, they reciprocate it.  If I had hurt him when he was with me, he would most likely have reciprocated it also. 

It stands to reason therefore that extended family members (so dreaded by some so-called nuclear homes) can be very helpful in building homes if only we demonstrated genuine love towards them.  When they climb the ladder of fortune, they will not forget those who have been kind to them when they were down below.  

          As we appreciate them, we know that God appreciates them more and He will continue to reward them accordingly. 

          With these testimonies, I expect any doubters to bring their families (poly or monogamous, extended or nuclear) together in love. Let us stop justifying evil. No half measures!  It just pays to do so and you, my reader, should initiate the conduct or practice.  What I practised and still do, is what I am preaching to you. I am not postulating theories but earnest practicalities.  You won't die if you do it.  Rather, your life is bound to be the better for it in the long run!